Decide on what you want so you can get it!

In order to learn, grow and make systematic change in yourself and your life, it is helpful to focus your efforts on one thing at a time.  One way to do this is to use the Life in Balance: The 7 Keys (see the free report button to the right?) model to define areas you would like to strengthen and then from that menu, choose one thing to focus on at a time.  My clients who are willing to do this make clearly discernable progress on those areas and this naturally feels rewarding and empowering.

There is no right place to start since everything in your life is connected to everything else.  It can be helpful to start with Key 1 and build towards Key 7, but go with what feels right for you.  I will typically ask you what you would like to work on at the start of our relationship and at the start of each session.  If you have decided what you want you are far more likely to be able to get it.

I recommend that you use the following list as a starting point.  Note the goals that feel relevant to you and add refinements or ones that are not here.  Once you have your own menu, organize it in two different ways – first prioritize your goals by importance or urgency and second by how much work you anticipate achieving this goal will take.  This will give you a great place to work from.  Please discuss your menu with me, and we will make a systematic plan for addressing it.

Here are some examples of goals for therapy and coaching in the 7 Keys model

I would like….

Key 1, Balanced Self Care:

  • To have a better diet
  • To have better fitness
  • To lose weight
  • To feel better about my body or appearance
  • To be free of an addiction
  • To have better sleep
  • To have less physical tension
  • To take better care of myself

Key 2, Mindfulness and Self-Understanding:

  • To be more self-aware
  • To understand my emotions better
  • To manage my moods better
  • To not be troubled by anxiety or depression
  • To be less irritable or angry
  • To worry less
  • To be calmer
  • To be more in control of my thinking
  • To not have a compulsion

Key 3, Freedom From Your Past:

  • To no longer be troubled by past events
  • To no longer get triggered
  • To longer have gaps in my memories
  • To appreciate the gifts and lessons from my past
  • To not feel crazy
  • To be less confused
  • To feel more grateful

Key 4, Relationship With Yourself

  • To be kinder to myself
  • To have better self-esteem
  • To accept myself
  • To be less judgmental
  • To be more compassionate
  • To be more generous
  • To be more courageous
  • To be more honest

Key 5, Relationship With Others:

  • To understand others better
  • To feel heard
  • To know what I want and ask for it assertively
  • To create a welcoming atmosphere for another to be real
  • To be a better partner, parent, child, sibling, friend, employee
  • To have better love, intimacy and sex
  • To be able to resolve differences more respectfully and effectively
  • To be more tolerant of others

Key 6, Values and Goals

With a certain project….

  • To have a clearer plan
  • To be able to make decisions more quickly
  • To be able to stay motivated and energized
  • To not feel blocked or limited
  • To tap into my creativity
  • To break through limiting beliefs
  • To be more organized
  • To have less clutter
  • To feel successful
  • To better understand my values
  • To be able to identify, choose, commit and persist in working towards what I want
  • To feel more abundant

Key 7, Nourishing Spiritual Life:

  • To understand my ethics
  • To be clear about what I believe
  • To be more mindful
  • To be more centered
  • To be able to meditate
  • To feel connected spiritually
  • To have a method for connecting to my higher power that works for me
  • To feel more integrated – spirit, thoughts, emotions, body, behavior

This list may seem a little daunting – if you are like me, there are a lot of places where you can become even more skillful!  Fortunately, it is the journey that is most rewarding, so choose some goals and work on them.  The definition of success I like comes from Napoleon Hill; “Success is the progressive realization of a worthwhile goal.”  Or as we say in NLP, “Excellence is a process of approximation.”  Make a choice about a goal and work hard towards it!








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